Excellent article. Well said! I just witnessed this a few days ago. I was in line at a supermarket behind a very sweet elderly woman who was probably between 75 and 83 years old. The cashier was a very young man who spoke very softly. She was trying to tell him she couldn't hear him. So I jumped in and helped her. He also put ALL of her groceries in one bag! Two large packages of chicken, a jar of mayo and some other items. She couldn't lift it and he and another cashier were JUST STANDING THERE watching her try. I finally told the kid, it's way too heavy can you please divide it up in two bags. He takes the mayo out. Ugh! So, I helped her with her bags. It is not only respect, but common sense too.

Beautiful article, Kathy. Like Margie, I have witnessed check out clerks at our supermarket being down right mean to seniors. I too stepped in. Respect is key as is living with dignity which they most certainly deserve.

Great article...treating older folks with respect seems obvious, but unfortunately isn't. It is important to do so while maintaining their dignity also (no need to talk down or feel sorry for them). Sad that it is necessary to remind people of common sense, but it is and we appreciate you doing that here!

WhitingBoy, thank you for your kind words. True it does seem sad that we need to remind people and bring this subject to their attention. Hopefully this will open up a discussion and encourage others to show respect to everyone.

I think it's never too early to teach children to be respectful. I have young children and I have explained it to them this way- respect is treating with care everything and everyone that comes across your path. I set a good example and remind them when they do things that are not respectful (i.e. tossing a candy wrapper on the ground.) Another way to teach children respect is to teach them good manners, a genuine way to show respect. I think the key is being consistent and by the time they are young adults, it will be a part of their nature and their value system.

Robyn, this is a great way to explain it to children and adults. I especially like your definition of respect! Thank you for your comment.

One of my pet peeves is when parents allow their children to address adults by their first name!! I find that VERY disrespectful. My own kids knew that most adults, especially friends of the family all had a title. My son had a wonderful Aid when he was in school. To this day(he is now 21) her name is Miss Michelle. Other family friends have names like Uncle Stew(he was my painting partner for 40 years). Tony Caravella was and still is Coach Tony. Kids are not peers to adults. You'd be surprised how the title with respect stays with them forever. I am close to 62 but I still refer to my high school coaches as "Coach" or "Mr." JMO

Enjoyed reading this very much and I'm proud to say, I need not change a thing in my own approach to my elders. Perhaps it came from my Mother, or my love for my own Grandparents, but I've always had respect for my elders and a soft spot for the elderly.

This article should be distributed to schools, parents etc.
When you walk pass the grammer school while a sport is being played, parents stand in groups chatting, forcing seniors to walk around them in the grass. Walk downtown and you have to walk around knots of people talking in the middle of the sidewalk. Children learn from their parents and sadly some of the parents are oblivious.

Great article Kathy...I have always had the utmost respect for my elders and still do to this day....You see less and less respect from kids these days....I witness it all the time and am disgusted by it....I don't know why it has happened or how but i agree that this article should be passed out to schools, parents, etc....Unfortunately if it was passed around I don't think it would make much of a difference :(

Kathy mentions the need for the elderly person to feel needed.My elderly aunt live with my cousin and her familly for a few years.My aunt was so happy that she when she felt needed.She folded the laundry,did a little dusting,and prepared vegetables.I asked my mother to help prepare the vegetables for meals as well.Some people think thnis is taking advantge of our elderly relatives,but they love to help when they can.

Don't worry America ,we will be getting the last laugh on the disrespectful generation.In 10 years the federal debt will be north of 20 TRILLION dollars.And guess who is gonna get stuck with the bill.Not us seniors.LOL LOL LOL.

Read the comments in the story about Mr. Polhemus and it is obvious that lack of respect for seniors afflicts adults as well as the young. Even if a poster's only objection to his appointment is his age, the comment can be dignified and respectful. I should not need to "flag" your comment as inappropriate. You should be able to express yourself without denigrating all those of advanced age.

NJarhead, Please see 2 samples of the comments from the article. Do you not think there was a more respectful way to express their opinions?

Too Old, Diapers leak
...sentiment seems to be overwhelmingly against the incompetent old geezer

I don't remember writing either one of those statements in this article. Please, let us keep the comments on this article, remember the topic is respect.

I stopped to strike up a conversation with an elderly fellow yesterday. It started slow and shy but moved along nicely after a while. I coaxed him into the state of the union and world. i listened as he told me his abbreviated life story. I was amazed how much can be learned and it put a better perspective on our present situation. Although it's bad. It's not in as bad a shape as we could be or think we are. Turns out he was a ww2 and korean war vet We spoke for 20 minutes while his wife "puffed away". I thanked him for his service in parting and I think he may have been please to speak to a younger "stranger" too. If you can tolerate generational or even personal differences of opinion with respect, I highly recommend listening to our elders more often. Sure some have resigned to be grumpy but age isn't the only cause of that and it's bad to listen to stereotypes. These old people aren't half bad. Lol. only kidding . they are all right by me. I'm no spring chicken myself.

I also really dislike when children refer to me by my first name. Some will argue it is cultural and accepted more in certain religions. My neighbors' kids call me by my first name. I will not insist that they call me "Mrs" since they refer to most adults by first name. What do they do in school? I doubt they say, "Hey Sheila. What's the homework?". It's just a poor choice. Also children need to know the boundaries between adults and children. If you call everyone by their first name, I think it gets a little blurred.

I have advised my son's friends to call me "Miss Linda," Southern style -- although it does sound a little like "Miss Daisy."

I do think Yo is a greeting that's kind of distinctive to our region. Anyone else weigh in on this one?

Funny thing happened to me today.... I had a grocery delivery from a local Stop n Shop. The delivery man was someone new that I had not seen before. He carried all my bags through my garage and into my kitchen, and put them all carefully on my counter top. After he scanned the order form, he said with a slight Asian accent; "Nothing was substituted 'Mamma', everything is as you ordered..."
I was taken aback for a split second - "Mamma"?? Then just as quickly I realized there was respect in his tone.... and I'm sure it was a cultural thing to address "older" people as Mamma. He was probably young enough to be my son... So it was appropriate.
It kinda made me smile. I didn't mind it at all. Sounded a lot warmer than calling me "ma'am".

As usual, I was rushing with my older teen children to get out of the Stop and Shop and off to the next 'very important' event and just talking away to my son. Asked him a question, no answer. Looked aroun\d and didn't seem him. My frustration grew as I knew the only other chance I would get to talk with him was probably going to be via a text message.

Finally located him across the parking lot helping an elderly woman load the groceries in her car. They talked for a quite a while. Come to find that she had been a voice teacher and was so glad to know that the musical at the high school had a free senior preview.

I was so very proud and not at all bothered by missing the next event. I learned to slow down and 'see' everyone that day regardless of age.

(She attended the show, enjoyed the performance and was able to speak with my son afterwards. She felt connected to the community and my son enjoyed having such an appreciative audience member)

Thanks for reminding me to take the time.

Anothermadisonmom, your comment brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful and sensitive young man you have! Very few realize the important things in life at such a young age. Thank you for sharing your wonderful comment.

I love this article on so many levels. I do feel that our culture has become so informal that within one generation these values are gone. As parents, I think our children need to know that you are respectful to everyone unless given a reason not to be....in which case, simply walk away. I am also a realist and recognize that respect is earned. Let us not be so naive not to recognize that just because you are 80 y.o. does not mean you have "earned" the respect of those around you. If you were rotten to the core at 30 y.o., chances are you're probably still rotten to the core at 80 y.o. I am always measured in my criticism of families who have no relationships with older relatives. Sometimes, there are very good reasons for their lack of contact.

Loved the article... Donna Griffin,
Agreed...Some do feel they deserve respect because they are older and what position they hold. Some like to pull their weight on the power they may have. I feel that respect is earned and unfortunately today their seems less accountability beginning with our leaders and adults. I hear so many teens saying how they are forced to respect the schools administration, teachers, coaches, priest etc. because that is how their parents raised them. On the other hand they see what they are doing and getting away with. They see how disingenuous that are. I feel a lot of teens and the younger generous is getting a bad rap. I actually see many of them helping the elderly that is having difficulty at ATM's, DVD Rentals and at the train station trying to get tickets. Everything is done with computers, CC that some elderly does not understand because it is different times. However I fee there is many out there that take no accountability as adults and leaders and the reason why so many don't respect their actions.

One thing I have noticed and it shows I am getting older is that more people hold doors open for me and more people call me Sir. It is nice but I don't feel all that old yet. Just because there is snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't still some fire inside. Generally I find that young people are pretty polite. When I am called Mr. Grant I still think more about my father than myself and I don't mind when young people call me by my first name.

For those of us who sometimes feel as though there is no hope for humanity, I have some good news. The other day my Mother, who actually isn't someone you would refer to as elderly, apparently came home to find a tree had fallen from her yard and into the street. Niether I nor my Step-Father were around and she felt she was capable of pulling it back into the yard by herself. She cleaned up some of the smaller branches first and before she could get to the main part of the tree, two "kids" rolled up in a car, cigs hanging out of their mouths. They pulled over, jumped out and moved the tree for her. She said she thanked them and that they just gave her a smile and drove off. I wasn't "blown away," but it did help to renew my faith in the future of our youth a bit. Also, if these were your children, thank you, and a very sincere thank you to them.

Kathy,

I too must say something in response to this article. A very good point which, I feel, needs to be emphasized amongst our younger generation. I have two children, both boys who I love more than life itself. I have had a few discussions with them both lately about respect, how important it is, and how, it must be shown to each other,and especially, our elders. I have seen before my eyes respect being both shown, and displayed, much less often than it should be. A lesson/reminder for us all. We must teach our children respect and the best way to teach it, is to lead by example! Let's emphasize respect every time we have the opportunity! Thanks Kathy.

While we should treat the elderly with respect and politeness. I have to say that respect goes both ways. I have seen the flip side of the elderly disrepecting the young by being rude and obnoxius as well. You got good apples and bad apples in both the elderly and young.

What a wonderful piece. I have always found myself attracted to the generations before me. They are as animated, witty and often enlightening as the ones before them. Thank you all who have passed the importance of respect to me so many years ago. If not, I would have missed out on a lot of wonderful stories told by some of the best story tellers.

I like the elderly also.....as long as I don't have to take care of them.

One more act of respect. I live very close to a Stop N Shop. There are many retirement villages in the area. Many, many times I have seen a "senior" standing and looking into the parking lot. Almost right away I know what's up. I'll ask them in a gentle manner, "What's up pop, can't find your car?" They tell me what color and make and it usually takes a minute or two to find it. Did you ever wonder why seniors put a flag or a ball or some other thing on their antennas? Most of them drive small compact cars and that enables them to locate it in the parking lot.

Treat people the way you want to be treated, that is all there is to know.

One of the downsides of modern American life is the deterioration of the family unit. Gone are the days that an entire family, grandparents, cousins and all would have a hand in raising children, and at the end of the lifecycle, caring for the elderly. These days, parents are on their own usually only with paid-for daycare to help, and on the flip-side, elderly are left to fend for themselves even when they are beyond capable of doing so. It's a sad state of affairs. It's the least we can do to help someone cross the street or to carry something heavy for a neighbor in need. Would be nice if we all did a lot more than that.

OUTSTANDING Article.

Wayne here are some more downsides:

Nursing Home: $350 to $400 PER DAY!!!!! 10 t0 12 THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH!!
(they drug your loved one and take their money)

Day care $85 to $125 per day plus transportation

$20 per hour to have an aide sit on your couch and watch TV all day

As far as the old days where the elderly are taken care of by the children.....
someone is probably going to have to quit their job to take care of grandpa.
(and it might very well involve adult diapers)

once a man,
twice a child

Why is it that certain folks turn nice conversation into something dark each chance they get?

I love the article. I have been a social worker for over 15 years working with the elderly, and I could have not said it better myself. Thank you for your wonderful insight.